Samantha Grace.

im ready to give up, like i keep fucking up. every time i get going on the right path, i end up leaving it and become something i dont want to be. im pleasing my parents by doing what they “want” me to be but in the end i give up and end up disappointing them. i let this happen to myself and its entirely my fault, i get it. idk who to turn to now. everyday i think about how to disappear, and i never find a conclusion. the people i talk to never come through with what they say, im left alone and i end up fending for myself, which is the only one i cant count on now. idk, what do with my life, i have no job, and i seriously HATE school. i dont want to be a nurse, but thats what my parents want me to be. but if i dont become one im  left to fend for myself. i seriously dont want to wake up from my sleep, and i dont want to stay “here” anymore. people think im a happy person, but thats what i put out to cope with whats really inside, i really cant take this shit anymore. its been an on going problem since 2009. from there EVERYTHING just fell apart. ive gone to counselors to help me, psychologist and nothing has helped me. i wake up everyday thinking of what to do with my life. i want to do one thing and it gets shut down by my dad. i talk to my mom about going another route in my “professional” career and shes all for it, till she tells my dad what my plan would be, and what does he do, makes me feel like shit, and from there i dont want to do anything anymore cos it just wont please him. i feel like such a disappointment to them, the only thing in my mind now is to “leave” so they can live their lives praising pam and her accomplishments, her dreams, her wants and needs, cos to my dad im nothing but a piece of shit, that doesnt do anything, never seems to make him happy, his everyday worry, his headache. without me their problems would be solved. im done, im really hoping that i dont wake up tomorrow, i just want to disappear from this world. like who the fuck types this shit on a social network, im not trying to get attention from anyone, this shit is just something i need to get out of my system, im trying to look at the brighter side in life, but at this point there is none. my time has run out and im done.